A real life, post abortion testimony of hope
My abortion took place my first year of college…
… when I was 18 years old. The summer that followed, I returned home to work a summer job as a prep cook. The man who interviewed and hired summer help was Zane, a pastor who worked part time to make ends meet. No one knew of my pregnancy OR my abortion, so I felt I had to keep it all a secret. Such pain is never able to remain hidden, and will show itself somehow. While I went about my days pretending all was well, there was a storm brewing in my soul. I had an intense desire to stop living.
Thoughts of suicide surrounded my free time, even as much as beginning to plan how I could do it. I was so deeply depressed, and spent so much energy trying to fake that I was fine, the ideation became my coping mechanism. Yet, each day I would show up to work, I would be in the presence of someone who so deeply loved his Lord, that he would praise Him when he flipped an egg and the yolk didn’t break, he would come out of the freezer with food and a praise song on his lips.
I NEVER knew someone could love God so deeply, or so outwardly. Zane also happened to be quite musically talented, and shared some of his recordings with me. His songs were all written by him, deep professions of a faith that astounded me. He truly trusted God, and this Jesus of whom He spoke was far more than my limited Bible reading had revealed to me prior. This Jesus was truly God’s son, who could offer me light in the darkness, hope in the pain and a way out of wanting to end my life! That summer was one of survival for me, my pain was still very deep and very raw, but God used Zane to sustain me. He, with NO knowledge of my pain, simply showed me Jesus by his own love for his Savior. His own faith, lived out daily in reverence and trust, gave me a taste of Jesus I desperately needed.
While it would be a season before I would receive the forgiveness and salvation Jesus gives, I received new hope that summer that life may well be worth hanging onto…Were it not for Zane and his beautiful witness, I would not be here today. God used this man to literally save my life from the pit of Hell. A few years back, I was able to reconnect with Zane on FB and just not too long ago, he found out that his birth mom (with whom he has reconciled) tried to abort him, but he survived and was adopted. Can anyone doubt God’s truth and His divine intervention in life when you consider this? There were a great many reasons He needed Zane to live, and I am blessed to be ONE of those. So many years ago, God knew even THEN that Zane would be my lifeline. THIS is the God I serve!!! This is the God I love!! He is this same God for you, and for all, if we would but see the Truth!!! Thank you Zane for your life, for your obedience to God, and for being a light of Jesus in the darkness. May God bless you abundantly always!!!
*** Becky Soske *** is a Kindergarten teacher with a passion for children and teaching. She is a public speaker and author. She resides with her husband children in Wyoming.
